A KAAOS god and a Merc bastard
*kneeling in the middle of her fur covered bed, a few thin sheets of parchment are crumpled to the left of the Lady, a richly gleaming wooden box lies in front of her. Supplanting sorrow with rage had always been her forte, and this day her favorite KAAOS god was going to help.*
"Ego Prime, words have failed me, so I'm going to light one of the cigars you gave me long ago, and invoke your particular style of invective. It can't hurt, it might help. I'm so glad I ignored your idea on how I might use your cigars. Dampness and fine tobacco just don't add to the longevity of a product."
*opening the box, a long brown cigar is snipped and lit, aromatic smoke curling around the curtains on the bed, while a yellowed scroll laying next to the cigars is unfurled and perused with great attention*
"It took me months of listening to you, Ego, to discover the formula you use. "Ego Prime's Pulverizing Platitudes" - thats what I called my discovery. Okay, here's the formula of my favorite KAAOS god.
1. Begin with "YOU"
2. Add a physical deformity or disease
3. Add a socially unacceptable act, preferably a felony
4. insert "OF A"
5. Add an exotic animal
6. Add an internal organ or a family member's title
Rarely have I found myself at a loss for words with which to express myself, but this *grabs the already crumpled parchments next to her and squeezes them again* THIS missive has inspired a need for your talent."
*ashes from the cigar spill into the fur, fingers curl into a fist*
Balor..... You hunchbacked rapist of a peacock's colon! You squint eyed public humper of a kaola's bladder! You hair lipped thief of a liger's lover! You pigeon toed bomber of a mountain goat's womb! You pus filled stalker of a horny toad's mother!
*shrieks and reads in a mocking rendition of an idiot Merc's voice*
"...Sweet China, Dark Mistress of the Night... please don't beat me when next we meet. Which by the way could be a really long time, cause... Camelot's in the middle of a Dark Age! Hibernia needs me to slay Albians and Midgards. Its odd, those I slay seem to reappear, which of course isn't possible! The quest to kill can't last forever can it? It couldn't be an Everquest... No, I'm sure I'll win. Eventually. Sit beside the river in the Dwarven Kingdom and remember the times we walked within it's waters, three steps, no more. Go find that sock with the teeth in the Thieves Den. Kill it and think of me while you do it. Err..." ....
*inhales deeply on the cigar, coughs violently, set the parchments on fire and throws them to the stone floor*
"While the Merc's away I will play, Balor."
Balor, I always told you she always loved me really. Now she's mine.