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Thread: Something wicked this way comes

  1. #1

    Something wicked this way comes

    *Bob, having been blessed by the soothing scents of lavender, finds himself sneezing repeatedly at the powder now covering his irregularly shaped rotting corpse of a body. Unfortunately this continual disturbance of head jerks causes his already unsteady gait to become even more disorderly, now zigzagging and bounding aimlessly along the winding road like a deranged psychotic chimpanzee with turrets syndrome...lumbering around on stilts*

    [Boo] "Who woulda thought zombie's have allergies?"

    [Bones] "Should have asked first I suppose. Bob, hang in there. We will find you a bathing spot soon enough"

    [Liz'rd] "sssupossee the poissson rotted flesssh could have on drinkin water if'n he sssat in a sssstream.."

    [Bones] "Right. A pond will do just fine"

    *A soft whisper of wind seems to be travelling just beyond the next bend of the road, behind the gnarled and twisted patch of trees obstructing their view of the path ahead. The drifting breeze seems to be drawing nearer and gaining in strength, approaching the party fast. Then a shrill vibration of sound joins in and accompanies this force of wind, the noise growing louder and more clear. Ahh, the sharp piercing sound that could only originate from a cackling witch. Bones stops in his tracks, and draws a sword. Liz'rd and Boo stop as well, awaiting the arrival of this evil entity.*

    *The sounds of the wicked creature's laugh sent chills down their spines* "aaahaaahaaa..."

    *Meanwhile.. Bob, being the brainless beast he was, or perhaps due to his lack of good hearing (no doubt caused by inflamed sinuses and clogged ears), found himself staggering on ahead of the group, disappearing clumsily around the bend. The group looked to each other fecklessly before hearing the scream and crash that came next. Flying bits of Bob and brooms and black hats and green warty women scatter wildly across the road and surrounding forest, landing very roughly in all manners of twisted and contorted postures.*

    *The three witnesses stare for a moment blankly at the scene of the accident, perplexed. Bones shrugs a second later and walks forward along with the others toward the messy point of impact to assess the damage.*

    *Upon inspection it appears Bob lost his remaining arm. Boo and Liz'rd scour the forest for it, while Bones lifts Bob back onto his still intact feet. They both look down at where they stand and find something that brings a smile to Bones-- no -- to Bob's face. (Bones would attempt one tho had he skin and lips to do so) Picking up the slightly damaged broom, Bones holds it up and inspects it*

    [Bones] "Yes, I believe this will do. Good job, Bob. Your erm, unique talents come in handy at erm.. oddly opportune moments." *Bob smiles proudly*

    *Something slung over a branch in a nearby tree begins to stir. It stops, then gasps, and staggers about again, trying to lift and orient itself upright on the branch it landed on following the recent crash. It coughs a few times then looks down and sees the group of creatures on the road below. It shouts down in a broken high pitch voice*

    [witch] "Who are you!? Whats the meaning of--"

    [Bones] "Ahh, sorry about that bit of misfortune, ma'am. Bob here's got a way of stumbling into things" *Bones gestures towards the armless zombie* "I'm Bones, a reformed demon from Yserbius volcano. And these other two are Liz'rd and Boo. Who might I ask is it I'm speaking to?"

    [witch] "Hahaha..*cough*cough* arrg.. reformed demons, how ridiculous! Ahaha*cough*"

    [Bones] "Take it easy there, sounds like you've been hurt. We are indeed reformed, walking the path of righteousness, miss.." *he tilts head and turns hand waiting for her to finish*

    [witch] "Elph..*cough* cough* El.. *hack*"

    [Boo] "Hah, an elf. Imagine an elf with nasty green skin and no points on its ears!"

    [Liz'rd] "And jussst whatssss wrong with green sskin?"

    [Boo] "Oh, well, on you of course Liz'rd its perfectly natural. Why, I'd say dazzling, even! But on a.."

    [Elph..] "Fools! Its elphha*cough*cough*"

    [Bones] "We'll.. erm, call you Elphy for now if you don't mind. Here, let me help you down from there"

    *Bones reaches a skeletal arm up to offer assistance to the witch. She begins to reach for it then withdraws her hand*

    [Elphy] "Wait!! Are you.. *cough*cough*.. are you friends of Dorothy?"

    *Bones looks at the others surprised, then back at the witch. He quickly backs off shaking his head and lifts his hands up in front of him*

    [Bones] "Whoaa.. hold up there. These are nothing more than travelling companions! What you suggest is sickening, to say the least!!"

    *Elphy, obviously not keen to the 'other' definition of the words she spoke, gladly takes his response to heart*
    (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...end+Of+Dorothy)

    [Elphy] "Good, good.."

    [Boo] "Right, what Bones said.. straight as an arrow, here"

    *Liz'rd elbows Boo (or tries to the best one can with a disembodied spirit)*

    [Liz'rd] "hehehe, we cant sssay for ssssure about Bob though.. doessss walk a bit funny"

    *Boo and Liz'rd begin chuckling, but stop promptly as a thick chunk of something fleshy hurls through the air towards them, passing right through Boo and thumping into Bones' skull. Bones, Liz'rd, and Boo turn to look in the direction the rotting bit of meat came from and see Bob hopping on one leg snickering to himself.*

    *Elphy looks at the leg now laying by Bones' side and stares at it for a while. Something.. familiar.. about that leg.. those socks, the slippers. Yes, they were.. oh my, Nezza! Suddenly, her jaw drops and an expression of terror washes over her face as she realizes what that amputated limb came from*

    [Elphy]: "Is that... did you.. holy @#$( you sick mother f@#$'s. What did *hack*hack*cough* what the @#($ did you do to my sister!?"

    *Liz'rd looks at leg on ground, and points to Bob, still hopping about on the other leg. Bones looks at the leg.*

    [Bones] "Oh, right. Thaaat. Well, see, she wasn't quite in need of these anymore. And Bob here, well he.."

    [Elphy] "Silence! I've heard enough. You will die for this!!"

    *the witch raises her hands and begins some type of incantation, her hacking and coughing unfortunately interrupting the completion of the spell a number of times*

    [Bones] "Uh lets get going guys"

    *The 4 scramble to get moving. Bones picks up the broom again looking back to Elphy*

    [Bones] "Mind if we borrow this?" *a bolt of lightning shoots his way, just barely grazing his skull* "Right, I'll erm, return it when I'm done then!"

    *Bones and Boo take off around the corner. Liz'rd grabs Bob by his last remaining limb and drags the zombie quickly boundingly along, the lot of them all dodging spells and the like the best they could.*

    (to be continued) hehehe

    [p.s. Elphaba and Nessarose were the original 'wicked' witches of Oz, at least according to the broadway show 'Wicked'.. as if anyone cares :P]

  2. #2

    retreat, not defeat

    *After running a few miles from the scene of the accident, the long forked tongue of Liz'rd hisses something aloud*

    [Liz'rd] "SSsstopp!"

    *The group slows to a halt, and Bones turns to Liz'rd*

    [Bones] "What is it?"

    [Liz'rd] "Running from witcccheessss?! Thissss isssss cowardessss!"

    [Bones] "No, not cowardess Liz'rd. Its simply avoiding unnecessary conflict"

    [Liz'rd] "Nonsssenssse!! We were onccce great warriorsss who would run from NO battle"

    [Boo] "Right-o good friend. Strength and courage to the end!"

    *Boo and Liz'rd attempt to smash closed fists together as a sign of power and silent reverence for the might and unity the minions who had once served En-li-kil shared*

    *Bones watches their actions, recognizing the bolstering strike of support, and then looks back from whence they came. He too may have once questioned the same action. Certainly Bones himself never ran from a fight in his life. But why had he run this time? Had he felt compassion for this creature of which he unwittingly brought misery to? Killing and dismembering the witch's sister surely doesn't make a fine how-do-you-do. But.. she initiated battle! Respect would surely be lost for a leader that flees a battle. But.. the poor creature did just act out of anger.. and she was wounded and wouldn't be able to fight well. Still, she could have been disarmed at the very least. It was a mistake. It was hasty. It showed a weakness - compassion for another creature's welfare. A leader never shows he has flaws, and certainly never lets his followers question his judgment. He had to say something*

    [Bones] "Well, I've always wanted to do a hit and run."

    *The attempt at light humor unfortunately doesn't work. Liz'rd and Boo still looks disappointed. Bones knows disrespect can never be tolerated, and addresses the two just as insubordinates should be. His eyes suddenly glow fiery red and his voice thunders*

    [Bones] "Fools! Do you think me one to run like a frightened child from a battle?!"

    *The two are slightly startled by his change of disposition. Boo speaks uneasily..*

    [Boo] "We erm.. had her outnumbered, it would have been easy"

    [Bones] "You dare question my judgment?! Do you wish me to return you two to rot as filth in the ruins of the volcano?!"

    [Liz'rd] "but massster, we did not fight back when attacked. how will we look to others"

    [Bones] "You will look like loyal followers of DMY thats what! Fool, do not worry what others think of you! Worry instead that you follow the right path."
    *his eyes cease to glow and he lowers his voice* "I took you from certain death and gave you the choice to live free and without the chaos of our former existence. You must understand that walking the path of DMY is a virtuous cause. In order to be accepted as members of society, we need to follow certain rules, certain codes. And we must pick our battles wisely."

    [Liz'rd] "Ssshe wasss a witcch, not a human or elf or.."

    [Bones] "You are a Lizardfolk. I am a skeleton, Boo's a ghost, and Bob's a zombie. We were all once evil, were we not? To judge her would be to ask to be judged in return. Do not make us out to be hypocrites."

    [Liz'rd] ".. but a witccch who sssought to dessstroy usss"

    [Bones] "You killed her sister, then we proceeded to sever her legs and use them as spare parts. It was pure rage that drove her actions. There was no need to cause more pointless death here. It is not our way"

    [Liz'rd] "I ssseee. I am ssssorry masster"

    *Liz'rd bows his head. Boo joins with him*

    [Bones] "Good." *nods* "Besides, the battle would have been unfair. We were unarmed.. or at least Bob was, ahahaha"

    *Liz'rd and Boo burst out in laughter, joining in with Bones. The tension was finally broken, the release of laughter was welcome. But there was one more thing then tension broken...

    *Liz'rd suddenly realizes he's holding onto something... well, something relatively light. He looks down and sees a stump of a leg in his hand. Bones begins to look in his direction.*

    [Bones] "And speaking of Bob.."

    *Liz'rd quickly tosses the leg into a nearby bush, trying to make a quick coverup, but unfortunately making all too much noise in the process. He attempts to speak over the rustling sounds*

    [Liz'rd] "SSsseemsss he didnt make it..."

    *Bones looks at Liz'rd suspiciously after seeing an outstretched arm retracting and some quivering bushes nearby. He walks over and looks into the thicket, spotting the leg*

    [Bones] "Liz'rd! What happened?!"

    [Liz'rd] "hehehe.. well... ssseemss he mussst have rolled off around one of thosssse bendssss, in all that chaossss"

    [Bones] "Wonderful. Everybody on search detail."

    *the crew wanders back along the path they came on, searching for a limbless zombie.*

    [Bones] "Bob!! Bob, can you hear us!! Say something!!"

    *the shouting and searching continue for a while until finally a sound coming from a ditch just off the side of the road calls out in return.*
    "Braaaainnnss!!"

    *The sound is like music to their ears. They all run over to the spot where the zombie lay, and shout out triumphantly*

    "BOB!! Bobb!!"

    *Pleased to find the zombie alive, the crew swiftly lift him from the ditch. After much hugging and kissing and fondling and lots of tongue action (kidding! sickos), Bob is thrown in a bag and slung over Bones' shoulder as they prepare to continue on their journey*

    [Bones] "I erm.. think we may need to find a graveyard"

    (to be continued)

    [p.s. who the heck spells tourette's syndrome as 'turrets' anyway? moron ]

  3. #3
    Terrific read Bones... keep'm coming!

  4. #4
    *Bones and Liz'rd sit on a log alongside the path, looking out into the woods*

    [Liz'rd] "sssupossse he gots lossst?"

    [Bones] "I'd like to know how something capable of soaring high into the night sky could possibly get lost."

    [Liz'rd] "perhapsss he'sss practicccing new magic"

    *Bones sighs, then picks up the broom and shakes it a few times, tapping it with his hands*

    [Liz'rd] "worthlesss witcch toysss"

    [Bones] "Might have worked if it weren't for the break in the middle"

    *Bones carelessly tosses it aside in resignation, the broom recklessly slamming into a boulder nearby and spontaneously making an electrical zapping noise. The pop and buzz of sound turns Bones and Liz'rd's heads, and they watch as the rod lights up in a burst of blue and white sparks while a web of crawling lightning encircles it. Bones stands up a little surprised and watches as the broken splintered handle bends back into alignment and the broom lifts off the ground and softly hovers a few feet in the air, bobbing slowly up and down.*

    [Bones] "Well, well. It looks like we finally have a ride."

    *Bones mounts the stick and balances himself on it. He looks for controls but finds none*

    [Bones] "Go! Move! Forward!"

    *The broom continues to hover in one place*

    [Liz'rd] "Maybe cackling like a witcchh could help"

    *Bones does his best witch laugh impression, sounding like some type of demonic squealing pig. His sound fills the air though and seems to reverberate throughout the forest and echo into the empty abyss of the sky above, its power growing and growing in amplitude and then, a moment later, splitting into two unique sounds. The seeming chorus of sound beats back down upon him, disorienting his focus until he realizes that he himself has stopped vocalizing, and the cackling is no longer his own.*

    *Bones looks up to the night sky and sees the silhouettes of something quite odd moving in the sky, backlit by the glow of the full bright moon. The outlines of shapes he sees are familiar. Wings.. tails.. what are these creatures? At least ten of them, soaring across the sky. But held under two of these things is another being.. a human shape.. wearing a hat, a nice pointy hat. Ahh, the witch. She had apparently found an alternative flight plan. Her cackling weakens and stops, and she calls down in her shrill voice from the sky*

    [Elphy] "I'll get you, my pretties.. and you're little dog too!! ahahahahaha"

    *The laughing continues for a while as the winged creatures carry her off into the distance*

    [Bones] "Dog?" *he looks around* "I'm sure she must be confused"

    [Liz'rd] "sssuppossse sssshe meant Bob? hehehe"

    *Bones looks over at the torso and head of Bob lying against the log, and shrugs*

    [Bones] "Well, I assume we'll be seeing her again then"

    [Liz'rd] "Thissss time, no running?"

    [Bones] "She wants a confrontation, and will most likely be ready to fight this time. We will not back down Liz'rd, I assure you."

    *Liz'rd grins widely, exposing his pointed yellow teeth.*

    *Just then Boo arrives, floating down from above the trees while pointing back towards the sky*

    [Boo] "Now THERE's a lady who knows how to make an entrance... erm, or exit.. or um, transition.. perhaps exposition?"
    *Boo smiles and gets caught up in his own fun*
    "hooo... I say, shes got ambition, .. for a new rendition.. of makin opposition an intriguing proposition. See shes got a condition, just like a magician! Weilds her wand like ammunition and causes demolition! Hah and now shes got the cognition that she wants us out of commission, woo! hahaha"

    *Bones swipes at Boo with his skeletal hand, passing right through the back of his head, while Liz'rd shakes his own head. Boo backs away and starts again, twirling and bounding side to side with pointed fingers..*

    [Boo] "Ooh! gimmme some potion, cuz theres too much commotion. gotta get my fix, before i get nixed"

    [Bones] "Boo.."

    [Boo] "HAH, call it bad luck but I badly need a @^#$ and I aint got skin but I sure like to sin so slide me some juice, I just gave u my excuse! Gimme some please, I'm down on my knees honey beggin u please! baby dont u tease.. "

    [Bones] "Boo!!"

    [Boo] "erm, yes?"

    [Bones] "Are you by chance a friend of Dorothy's?"

    *Boo's mouth drops open while Liz'rd and Bob chuckle.*

    [Boo] "Aww cmon, a ghost's gotta have his fun.."

    [Bones] "Fun. hah. right. Fun! Listen, while you were out there enjoying yourself us three have been sitting here for hours on end waiting. Now just give me your damned report."

    [Boo] "Right.. well we got a little ways to go, but there's a nice graveyard not too far from this old stone castle just a few miles ahead. Not too many fresh parts in the graves, but some usable ones nonetheless!"

    *The crew make their way through the creepy forest, with floating broom in tow, climbing over rocks and downed trees and prickly bushes and avoiding nasty night critters crawlin about the trees. Eventually they come upon the graveyard and prepare to get to work*

    *Boo leans down and whispers to Bob who's been left leaning on a headstone*

    [Boo] "Call me insane, but Im runnin a campaign. Im lookin to ascertain something you could retain... just lookit all those slain, I'm sure some.. gots.. some..."
    *he stops and gestures towards Bob. Bob grins widely and finishes the rhyme*

    [Bob] "..brains!"

    [Boo] "YEAH!"

    *Boo attempts to make a high-five with Bob but winds up stopping and tapping him on.. or through.. the shoulder instead*

    [Boo] "Tonight my friend.. tonight you shall feast!!"

    *Boo runs and dives into the dirt as if it were water, his transparent body gliding smoothly into the earth below . Underneath, he begins to search the graves for some fresh corpses to exume...*

  5. #5

    Extreme Makeover - Bobzombie edition

    *The group of creatures work their way through the cemetery, digging up bodies, inspecting them and sorting through usable and unusable parts. A nearby mausoleum yields a few more bodies, and oddly enough, a few kegs of ale stored inside along with them. Liz'rd cheerily carries a keg out and places it down on a headstone. A fire has been built in an open space by the mausoleum and sorting areas for bodies are spread around it, based on quality of flesh or lack thereof. Liz'rd collects mugs from knapsacks and fills them with the strong and bitter drink, and hands them back merrily to his companions.*

    [Bones] "Ahh, good man. Cheers"

    *They all take a nice hearty swig of ale, Bones being so kind as to help a poor limbless zombie get his share as well. Liz'rd tosses a few nice dry bony limbs on the flames and stokes the fire*

    [Bones] "I don't know about you Liz'rd, but this cemetary is a type of second home to the rest of us."

    [Boo] "Right-o. In fact, you could even call this place one of my old 'haunts', haha.. get it? haunt?!"

    [Bones] *lifts hand to his skull, shaking head* "You're better off leaving the jokes to me, Boo."

    *Boo huffs and sinks back under the ground. Liz'rd snickers*

    [Liz'rd] "..alive, undead, itsss homey enough. remindssss me of my lasssst great battlesss in yssssserbius... Only there wasssss more carnagge hehehe"

    *Bob, laying against a nearby headstone, chuckles *

    [Liz'rd] "well there wassss! thisssss issss nothing!"

    [Bones] "Sometimes I do miss the chaos of the old days. Making a living as an entertainer just doesn't have the same thrill. But as you know friends, we fought in blind servitude. En-Li-Kil and the Dralkarians who unleashed him would lead us only to death and damnation for their foolish cause. Now, if we shall die, it will be for a more nobler and worthy pursuit, our own"

    [Liz'rd] "if...IF we shall die..hehehe.. death, I asssssure you will not come eassssy to me"

    [Bones] "As it should be. A long life and freedom are ours for the taking."

    *Bones raises his mug and Liz'rd knocks his own against it, and they both drink heartily. Boo pops up from under the ground dragging a skeleton up through the dirt and throws it towards Liz'rd*

    [Bones] "Stop playing around Boo, we need limbs with FLESH on them not skeletons"

    [Boo] "Well we also need something to feed the fire, master"

    *Liz'rd inspects part of the skeleton and holds it up to the light of the campfire, grinning*

    [Liz'rd] "look bossss, hisss sssymphyssiss pubissss issss bigger than yourssss hehehe" (symphysis pubis for those that dont speak liz'rd)

    [Bones] "Very funny Liz'rd." *he picks up the pelvic structure and compares to his own, then tosses it in the fire, snarling at the others*

    [Boo] "oooh, I think he has pubis envy haha"

    *Bones swats at Boo, this time connecting solidly with his head*

    [Boo] "OW! How do you do that"

    [Bones] "Make no mistake, I was VERY well liked by the women, prior to my death.. and consequent erm, reanimation. The ladies back then worshipped me as a God I tell you" *he thrusts his mug up into the air at this comment, spilling ale all over as he does so, some leaping down and bursting to flames in the fire*

    *The other three chuckle at Bones, raising their mugs up in mockery (those with arms that is), and splashing more liquor into the fire. The laughter dies down shortly, and a sense of foreboding befalls the group as a swift breeze that wasn't present before has begun to stir in the cemetery grounds. They grow silent and prepare themselves for another surprise. The sound of the crackling fire becomes dominant for a time and even then appears to grow quiet in anticipation. And then it came...*

    *A barely audible sound of a female's voice humming some sort of impromptu tune disturbs the silence of the campsite. Its a happy melody, of a most annoying type that songbirds might make in the morning before a rock is hurtled their way. The DMY crew look in the direction of the voice and watch as some type of large transparent spherical object floats up above the forest trees and heads in their direction. A beautiful woman with golden long flowing hair and a puffy pink dress happily rides inside this, well... soap bubble of a vehicle. The glistening surface of it seems to shine in a gliding rainbow of colors as it hovers, while the smiling and humming female inside waves a long wand adorned with a star back and forth. She holds a bouquet of familiar looking flowers cradled in one arm. The sight of it all is so sickeningly cheery that Boo had to go dry heave beside the mausoleum.*

    [woman] *in a melodious feminine voice* "Helloooo, helloHelloHello!!" *she continues humming a simple melody as she descends* "ladada dee humm..dadoo.."

    *The woman's eyes now scan her surroundings, of which she was previously oblivious to, and her eyebrows raise at the sight of this creepy graveyard set in the middle of an even creepier forest.*

    [woman] "My, what a grim and macabre setting for me to meet my brave adventurers in!! hhmmm hmmm hmmm, cheer it up, make it bright, bring a smile, brighten the day.. ladadada" *she tosses colorful dust to her sides and front to make pretty what really cant be*

    *Liz'rd and Bones look on with blank expressions. Bob has found himself humming along, and attempts to roll himself around to get a better view of the source of this harmonious voice*

    [Liz'rd] *still trying to make sense of the woman in the bubble* "issss that erm..uh.. what the--"

    *he cuts off just as he spots Bob rolling helplessly down a dirt slope that leads straight towards the raging bonfire. The zombie laughs wildly as the world around him spins and spins in crazy circles. A boney hand stops the revolving zombie just before flame licks his flesh, and then he's swiftly chucked away. His laughing just becomes more maniacal as he flies through the air until..*

    *THUMP. Bob goes unconscious, crashing into a solid object, and falling to the ground like a deflated football.*

    *Liz'rd chuckles*

    [Bones] *sigh* "Might need to get him a leash"

    *The lady in the bubble finally nears the campsite, and now by the light of the fire sees the bodies and limbs and desecrated graves all over, and breathes in the putrid smell of rotting corpses and burning flesh that waft through the night air.. Her jaw drops, and her face cringes.*

    [woman] "My heavens! Good graciousness! Holy..why.. well, I never!! What.. what is the meaning of this!? This..THIS..!! ..Why this is sacrilege!"

    *Liz'rd grins at the woman and tosses a few bones into the fire*

    [woman] *shocked* "Stop that! Stop that now!"

    [Bones] "Is there a reason you're here?"

    [woman] "This is just sickening! How cruel you all are, how bad bad very very wicked bad!"

    [Bones] "Right. Well, state your business or I'll have Liz'rd put a dagger through that 'wanding' arm of yours."

    [woman] "No no no, this is all wrong. This is supposed to be cheery and bright with friendly little people running about praising you and... say, where are those munchkins?" *she looks around* "Well, I guess in YOUR presence they probably ran for their lives. Poor scared little munchkins.."

    [Bones] "Munchkins!?" *looks to Liz'rd who simply shrugs* "Just what is all this talk about woman"

    [woman] "Well! *huffs* I don't know whats going on here, but I will not allow this disgusting behavior to continue!"

    *she points her wand at Bones, who stands up quickly, drawing his sword at the same time. His eye sockets glow red and in a flash his blade slices right through her wand - and through the bubble she is floating in*

    *POP! The soaplike surface of her little transportation vehicle explodes and splatters all over, coating earth and stone with a wet slimy slippery film. Glindy yelps and drops very sloppily to the ground. A second later she turns her head up to find Liz'rd and Bones at her side with swords to her neck*

    *Liz'rd grins, then looks to Bones who still has the red fire burning in the dark sockets where eyes had once been. He tries to mellow his master's temper*

    [Liz'rd] "dont mean to bursssst your bubble misssss.. *snickers, elbowing Bones*.. but you're in no possssssitttttion to be tellin usssssss what to do"

    [Boo] *recovering from the dry heave* "Yeah, bad idea miss"

    [woman] "But I'm Glindy the GOOD witch. *smiles brightly for a moment, then looks around* But this is so verry bad!"

    [Liz'rd] "good, bad.. we're the onessssss with the swordsssss. hehehehe" (AoD fan

    *Bones chuckles at this, and his eye sockets cease to glow. He lowers his sword and motions to Liz'rd to do the same*

    [Bones] "Now, tell us the meaning of your visit."

    [Glindy]: "Where's Dorothy? oh my.. sing sing a song... lalala.." *She tries desperately to take her mind off the hideous sight around her*

    [Bones] "Right. Listen, there's no funny business going on between us here. Just like I told the green witch, we're just friends!"

    [Glindy] "Oh noo.. the wicked witch.. did she take her? Are you working with her?!"

    *Bones throws his arms up in the air and goes to get more ale. Boo pulls a few more limbs out of the ground*

    [Glindy] "Nooo.. poor poor dead, mustn't disturb their rest. make it bettter make it right.."

    *Glindy runs and grabs a few limbs and tries to put them back in the ground. Boo tries to block her but is too drunk to remember to make himself solid. She tries kicking dirt over a few limbs to 'rebury' them as a last resort, while trying to dodge Liz'rd. Bones spots her erratic behavior then sets down his mug.*

    [Bones] "Liz'rd! Rope."

    *Liz'rd finally grabs Glindy and drags her struggling over to a nearby tree, and ties her to it. Bones looks at the various limbs that are now half sticking out of the ground and laughs. Glindy struggles for a bit, then gives up. She finally addresses the group*

    [Glindy] "are you all..uhm.. *cough*.. necrophiliacs?"

    [Bones] "Hah! Necrophiliacs! Not exactly miss... But if you do ever come across some, PLEASE send them our way... OOH! Yes! I can definitely use this in my next stand up performance.."

    *Bones takes out a notepad and jots something down*

    [Glindy] "I dont under.."

    [Bones] "Okay, how's this sound...
    "Soo... me and Bob here aren't having much luck with the ladies lately. Could y'all help us out? Tell me, do we have any necrophiliacs in the audience? No? Aww c'mon don't be shy! Oh, I see someone winking at me! Hey, gimme a call later, okay toots?"

    *he points at Glindy, who scowls back at him.*

    [Boo] "you and BOB aren't having much luck, huh?! Hey what about ME, I died too!! And hoo boy would I sure as heck like a good lay let me tell ya.."

    *Liz'rd and Bob (now recovering) snicker*

    [Bones] "Boo, you're immaterial - you dont have any soft OR hard spots. Which makes getting a hard-ON impossible too.. oooh! I might have to use that too.."

    [Boo] "humph! Well, even Bob isn't a walking stiff anymore, more like a limp weeble.."

    [Bones] "Beautiful! Lets see..." *he scribbles some more, then delivers a line*
    "So, my friend Bob here took a whole bottle of Viagra last week, and well I''ll be DAMNED, the guy's been walking stiff ever since! hahaha"

    *The group joins Bones in laughter. Glindy's look of scorn is broken for a moment as she smirks and chuckles softly under her breath*

    [Glindy] *clears her throat and reforms a stern look* "Listen, tell me where Dorothy is. I need to find her.. I have to give her these"

    *she nods towards a pair of slippers hanging out of a pocket. Bones recognizes the slippers from the sawed off legs of that woman under that tavern*

    [Bones] "I see we're not the only ones playing with dead artifacts"

    [Glindy] "What ever do you mean?"

    [Bones] "The slippers. They were from some dead woman under a tavern."

    [Glindy] "Ohh, these are magical slippers! Yes yes yes.. I did have the hardest time finding them, and *she pauses with a grimaced look on her face* well.. they weren't exactly in the brightest cheeriest of places!"

    [Bones] "Right. On severed legs, yes?"

    [Glindy] "Ugh.. you did that too?!"

    [Bones] "No matter. They belong to the witch named Elphy. Its in your best interest to return them to her"

    [Glindy] "But Dorothy needs them! she does! Ohhh, oh she's probably already been caught by the wicked witch. No no no this is all wrong"

    [Liz'rd] "ahh, quit your worriessss and loossssssen up"

    *Liz'rd pours alcohol in her mouth. She spits it back out at him and he yells "Drink it!!", this time forcing her to swallow.*

    [Glindy] *gulp* "What in the name of Oz is the meaning of all this anyway?!

    [Bones] *to Liz'rd* "You dont have anything to wrap over her mouth by chance?"

    *Liz'rd shrugs*

    [Bones] "Listen. Bob needs limbs. We're looking for some that would suit him well. Plus we'll need a few backup ones if his admittedly bad luck continues"

    *Bob rolls over to Glindy and winds up in her lap. He looks up at her and grins widely. She gasps and writhes around till he plops off into the dirt."

    [Glindy] "Liz'rd, more ale please!!" *Liz'rd brings her some more alcohol. She downs the whole mug quickly, and Liz'rd laughs in amusement*

    *Bob meanwhile finally gets his gourmet meal when Boo comes over and serves him a slightly decomposed brain stew. He is overwhelmed with giddiness and rolls around in the dirt like a dog.. and unfortunately rolls down into a dugout grave. But no matter to him - he continues to smile with joy having gotten his fill of brains, even as they lifted him back out an hour later.*

    ...

    Extreme Makeover: Bob Zombie Edition


    *As the night goes on, the group sort through the stacks of limbs, comparing and cutting different body parts to match with Bob's rather unnatural skin tone. Unfortunately, too much drinking can lead to bad behaviour....*

    *Bones looks down at what Liz'rd and Boo have done with Bob, laying legs near his shoulders, and arms under his pelvis, and hands by his ears*

    [Bones] "Cut it out. For crying out loud, this is BOB, not Mr. Potato Hea--"

    *Bones quickly turns around and bites on his knuckle while holding his chest, trying to contain his laughter. A few wheezes leap out and then he bursts out in a deep booming laugh. Glindy bites her lip trying to maintain her solemn composure but cant contain herself either and the witch's melodious laugh joins in with the rest*

    [Glindy] "Put a bow on him! Ooh, yes.. and stockings! wonderful!.. and some of those earings!"

    *Bob growls and grumbles at the group as they play musical chairs with the limbs on his body. Occassionally he finds himself chuckling along with the others though, even if he didn't have much clue as to why. The crew plays dress-up with Bob, putting various hats and dresses and strange leather outfits on him. But by this point Boo has become drunk as well and is too out of it to complain.*

    //...the night goes on...\\

    *odd games begin to emerge*

    "Simon says.. 'Roll over and play undead hahaha' "

    //...and on...\\

    *Glindy, now with hands free, twirls some dial on a board and waits till it stops spinning*

    [Glindy] "Okay... Left foot, Red!"

    *Liz'rd snickers and slaps a dismembered foot onto the red circle* (Twister)

    //...and night continues to goes on...\\

    *Glindy, drunk as all heck, grabs a dismembered arm and uses it to wave at the others, between small hiccups. Then she grabs a foot and starts singing, moving it along with the song*

    [Glindy] "You put your left foot in, you put your left foot out, you do the hokey pokey.."

    //... even later... \\

    *Boo lays inside a coffin which has holes cut out for head, hands, and feet. The hands and head are his own, the rest are bits from an exumed body*

    "For my next trick, my assistant Liz'rd will saw me in half!!"

    [Glindy] "oooh, ahhh" *she claps gleefully*

    *Liz'rd slices his sword through the coffin*

    [Boo] "Cue the blood!!"

    *Bones splashes some red liquid on the coffin, as Liz'rd separates it to show the split torso of a corpse. Boo giggles with delight, wiggling his fingers and bobbing his head about

    [Boo] "Well?"

    [Bones] "It has potential, I'll admit. So long as they dont figure out the whole 'apparition' thing."

    //......\\

    *night slips away and the five beings lay asleep in the graveyard as a new sun lifts and peeks over the trees. Something stirring around the forest around the group wakes Bones, and he looks up squinting at a familiar sight*

    [Elphy] "Ahahahaha, too easy, my pretties!! Too easy!!"

    *Bones and Liz'rd groggily fumble to their feet, each quite drunk and barely conscious, as winged creatures.. monkeys, as it was now clear in the light, suprise them and grab hold of each and pull them struggling into the air. Elphy looks at Glindy, tied loosely to a tree, with Nezza's slippers at her side.*

    [Elphy] "I should have known you would have something to do with this!! Who's the wicked one now, huh pretty? ahahahaha, Glindy the wicked!!"

    *Glindy looks up to her sister and gasps*

    [Glindy] "Elphy!! I, um, how'd you.. uh.. helloooo!!" *she waves a severed arm at the witch, its hand floppily jerking all around*

    [Elphy] "You helped them kill her didn't you?!"

    [Glindy] "Nooo, I didnt have anything to do with that *hic* cheers mate!." *she raises a mug*

    *Elphy points at the slippers and looks Glindy intently in the eyes*

    [Glindy] "Oh.. those silly things.. your sister wasn't using them anymore.. lalalala" *she swings her dress about*

    [Elphy] "ENOUGH! Off with her!! Bring them all to the dungeons!!"

    *the creatures carry them off to her castle, as she spots something nearby*
    [Elphy] "My broom! ahhahaha, too easy indeed. She looks around the graveyard at the various limbs littering the ground*

    [Elphy] "What the devil.. it must be some sort of fetish!! Sick, sick sick..."
    *she gets on her broom and yells out "To the Castle" and is on her way*

    *Boo, sleeping inside a coffin in the mausoleum, wakes from his slumber and walks out to see his friends being carried off*

    [Boo] *grabbing onto his hat* "great scott!"

    (to be continued)

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