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Thread: YSERBIAN IDOL

  1. #11
    (thud)

    (thud)

    (thud)

    The red mark on Fleetwood's head bears testimony to the damage inflicted on it by the table.

    "Thank God I locked the door."

    "NAVIC!! FREE DRINKS FOR EVERYONE!!"
    "Make mine a double."

    "NEXT!!"

  2. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Tater
    <...and Tater is gone... the Half time celebrity Show is ended. All that remains is a Red Thong on the floor and a old helm for donations>
    <Whistles loud e'nuff to clear-out a few patrons from the bar area.> You go dwarf!
    <Picks up a glowing shell from behind the bar and speaks in it> Yo! Navic...
    <A distorted voice yells from the shell>
    Quote Originally Posted by fleetwood
    "NAVIC!! FREE DRINKS FOR EVERYONE!!"
    That's a 10-4 <Hangs-up the non-glowing shell>
    FLEETWOOD JUST BOUGHT A ROUND!!!

  3. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Raisa
    And ya know what a thing I have for Pirates!
    8O

    Shiver me timber, arrr! *Motions to Navic* A'vast boy! get de lady a drink on me.
    *His glass eye pointing towards the floor as he looks towards Raisa* I got me eye on ya lass arrr.
    *Blackie* A nice catch she'd be.

  4. #14
    "Aye she be a fine example of womanhood. 'Ware the big catlike fellow in the stripes nearbye tho, ARRR!!"

  5. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Black_Jacques
    Ware the big catlike fellow in the stripes nearbye tho, ARRR!!
    *Thwaps Blackie* So when it be, we be worried 'bout a man!? It be'n a year, our time on the sea's. We fear not monsters and sundering sea's... yet you be fearin a man arrr! If only capt'n Billy Bones came a'shore with me, the Dread Pirate himself... pillaging we be do'n... no quarter arrr..

  6. #16
    <Tosses back the drink from Nyzzrym and slaps the glass on the bar>Thank ye kindly m'friend.... I always did have a thing for a man in uniform with a long broad sword... <winks><Looks towards Jacques and smiles sweetly> As for Tiger... well... lets just say that I can handle the likes of him should the need arise.....

  7. #17

    talent for mayhem

    = Into the tavern Sneakers swiftly walks, a look of determination etched upon his face. He scans the room, eyes darting back and forth among the multitude of people assembled inside. Too many standing and talking, too many clumped together in tight groups, all obscuring his view. He sees a raised platform, and runs up to it. Sneakers then addresses the crowd =

    "Dear patrons, I beseech of you, a moment of your time"

    = A man stands up and begins clapping and shouting =

    ~MalePatron~ "YEeaahh!! Wooo!!"

    =Sneakers raises an eyebrow and looks upon the excited man=

    "Well, I appreciate your enthusiasm sir, but please, I'm not all THAT. haha!"

    ~MalePatron~ "Let's hear it!!"

    ~LadyPatron~ "Yeahh!!" =she whistles loudly=

    "Erm.. I was just looking for--"

    ~MalePatron~ "Looking for loovveeee.. yeaahh!! Sing it!!"

    "Hey.. Listen!.. I think you got the wrong idea here..."

    = The cries and hoots of the crowd begin to grow in number and the audience cheers him on. He scratches his head looking around. At least he can see half the faces in the crowd now, as they are turned in his direction. But none are his father's. He raises his voice. =

    "Okay, okay! So it's a talent you ask me to perform?"

    = The crowd begins to settle down and only a few random voices call out to him =

    "Talent show, huh? Brilliant idea! Well, I hadn't thought of bringing my lute with me, but I shall nonetheless give you something! BUT!! I ask of you all to answer me first!"

    = He looks around the crowd some more, as they grow silent. More faces are visible, only a few are hidden =

    "Has anyone seen a man named ShoeHorn? He's a barbarian about yay high.. with hair to his shoulders in shades of gray, pointed ears, thick gray mustache.."

    = Various faces in the crowd look to one another, while other patrons just shake their heads. Noone has a 'Yes' response to his inquiry. He sighs. "Old foolish barb, where could you be. I rescue you from certain death, put you in a comfy bed, and next thing I know you are missing again! Damned fool." He walks to the edge of the platform, but a man stops him and nods him back to the stage. =

    "Oh... Right!"

    =Sneakers walks center stage, pulls out his bow and takes a small pouch and sprinkles dust inside a quiver of arrows, before pulling one out and setting it in his bow =

    "I can shoot and split ANY object you throw at me. This will be my talent for tonight!"

    ~MalePatron~ "Boooo!!"
    ~LadyPatron~ "Boring..."

    = A few other groans and sneers accompany the displeased cries. Sneakers just laughs and begins to speak, but before he can put tone upon breath, a mug is lunged directly at him. As quick as it becomes airborne, Sneakers pulls back upon the string and lets loose an arrow tipped with a sharp and stout rare metal littered now with red and purple glowing dust. The arrow soars through the air towards the mug, leaving a trail of glittering colors suspended low above the crowd. With a clatter of noise, the mug breaks in two as the arrow strikes it. Before anyone can enjoy the colorful streak of light hovering among them, a bottle hurtles towards Sneakers as well. Again he releases an arrow which strikes and shatters the bottle, another lace of light set upon the tavern air. The crowd begins to take in the wonder and a few applaud while others ooh and aah. A bartender's curses are lost in the crowd's noise=

    "Not too shabby, hu--"

    = Before Sneakers can finish, more objects are thrown enthusiastically at him.. plates, books, even small weapons. The arrows launch and destroy each one, leaving more and more lines of light crisscrossing through the tavern. The vision becomes obscured by these vapors and soon some things begin to crash onto the stage and wall behind Sneakers. He ducks and moves about quickly =

    "Woah!! Hold up!! I can't see!!"

    = A few more objects are tossed before finally ceasing, and the lines of light begin to fade. Looking around, Sneakers sees a few people rubbing their heads, some others laying unconscious, more still tending to wounds. He hadn't thought this all the way through. Apparently, these objects need to land.. somewhere. =

    ~MalePatron~ "Bastard! You cut me arm right across me biceps!"

    ~LadyPatron~ "My.. head.. oww..."

    "Well I suppose what goes up must come down hey! I uh--"

    = A few more objects are tossed at him while he speaks, his bow at his side =

    "HEY! I said cut it!"

    = MalePatron hurls a loaf of stale bread at him, LadyPatron a rotten piece of fruit. Sneakers growls at them, and sneers =

    "Oh, fine! Listen, is that all you got?! Don't none of you have some actual strength? These objects are as small as the brains that throw the--"

    = Sneakers eyes widen as he sees a chair being tossed his way. He raises his bow and shoots it down quick enough, but before he can laugh, another bigger object hurls through the air. A keg of ale!! Without thinking, he launches and arrow into that as well, causing it to spin and crash down upon a table, sending ale everywhere, coating people in its dark color. More people become upset at the damage this 'talent' on stage has caused, and curse his presence. A few offer some guidance to the others.. =

    ~MalePatron~ "Get him!!!"
    ~LadyPatron~ "Hurt the blasted wanker!!"

    = A few more cries follow, and a moment later arms all throughout the tavern are swinging and releasing items of every shape and size into the air. The overwhelming army of flying obstacles causes Sneakers to panic =

    "Aaahh!! Eeee!!"

    = He hops and skips and finally runs off stage as chairs and bottles and rotten food and finally a table come crashing down where he was standing. Out the door and into the night he runs, screaming all the while, as a few people chase him down with more airborne weapons. =

  8. #18
    (looks at the flotsam on the stage....hoping Tater has a broom)

    "While the light show was somewhat...unique, maybe your act would have been better served in an OUTDOOR arena."

    "NEXT!"

  9. #19
    A human male, in sailor garb ascends the stage. He grabs a chair, signals for a spotlight and begins strumming a mandolin.

    "This is a little tune called The Bard."

    On a warm spring evening in a bar named Jimmy One-Ball’s
    We met up with the bard we were all too wounded to sleep
    So we took turns at staring at the large pile of bodies
    Till boredom overtook us, and he began to speak

    He said, "People, I've made my life out of picking people's pockets
    And knowing what their hit points were by the way they held their eyes
    So if you don't mind my saying, I can see you're out of cure spells
    For a taste of your rotgut I'll give you some advice."

    So we handed him a bottle and he drank down the last swallow
    Then he bummed some pipeweed and asked us for a pipe
    And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression
    Said, "If you're gonna go adventurering, guys, ya gotta learn to stay alive.”

    You got to know when to cast ‘em, know when to attack 'em,
    Know when to heal yourself and know when to charge.
    You never count your treasure when you're sitting in the dungeon
    There'll be time enough for counting when the killing’s done.

    Now Every bard knows that the secret to surviving
    Is knowing when to keep pressing on and knowing when to rest
    Cause every dungeon’s a winner and every dungeon’s a loser
    And the best that you can hope for is to die next to a whore in your sleep."

    And when he'd finished speaking, he laid his head back on the bar.
    Crushed out his pipeweed and faded off to sleep
    And somewhere in the darkness the Bard, he broke even
    But in his final rantings we found a spell that we could keep

    You got to know when to cast ‘em, know when to attack 'em,
    Know when to heal yourself and know when to charge.
    You never count your treasure when you're sitting in the dungeon
    There'll be time enough for counting when the killing’s done.

  10. #20
    That one has got my vote Blackie,,,,,

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