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Lets all RP badly. On Purpose.

LadyChina

Inactive Members
#1
Change tenses. Switch perspectives. Go in and out of character. I think thats going to be far more amusing for at least a couple posts than good roleplay. You people that read the boards are becoming spoiled by excellence. You need to be made of aware of what you COULD be reading - freaking voyeurs! JOIN IN. This is the thread ANYBODY can have success in.

And so we begin...
 

LadyChina

Inactive Members
#2
Laughing I fell off my chair, *I sensed that I would do that*

I stand up. I am fallen off my chair. Why

DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICUL T TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

*I sit up on my chair
 

Cyren

Inactive Members
#3
Hello ma'am sir. I seem to clearly not have heard anything you say, but I think you're pretty and you think I'm pretty.

Will you please come sit over here and talk to me about nothing in particular and bore me until I want to leave and stuff?

I can tell exactly who you are and who you want to be. Let me tell you all about yourself. You're a Gemini, right? I knew it. I know everything. God. I love me. You're going to love me.

Sit on my lap.
 

LadyChina

Inactive Members
#4
::::i fall on your lap. Feet first. how ? ":"

Hooooooooowdeeeeee doodoo, darlin'! i like your pony. You must have the pony somehow / there is so much shit in here."

*I cough up dinner thru my nose, it is tequila. Good thing. Blowing*

Baby, blow me
a kiss before you leave me
blow me
a kiss goodbye

Okay.

*pulling a leather shoestring out of my polcket. I stand from yer lap.::

I love the taste of yer whip me dear
much more the taste of your lips my dear
So baby, blow me
a kiss.

""I put the lace aroun' your neck and pulled you closer."

Bunny ears.
 

Fleetwood

Message for Upgrade
#5
Ooh ooh me too, me too...

hey their now. R U going to finish your beer, cuz I will drunk your beer 4 U if U want

i check my pockets 4 money 2 pay the bartender 4 a new beer

are their girls here I try 2 score
 

Yor

Message for Upgrade
#6
The entrance

Your conversation is disturbed by a collective "ooooh", followed by deafening silence.

A very large, very visibly perturbed man bellows, "Watch where you're going, shrimp."

"Watch where I am going? Watch where *I* am going? You ran into me!", retorts the much smaller man (who, by the way, is wearing a very tall, very pointed hat). "Apologize before I turn you into a pile of dung! or worse, a lawyer!"

The larger man laughs, "You obviously don't know how l33t I am. I am going to pwn you and then take your warez as a souvenier!"

The big pointed hat wearing height challenged man replies with an icy stare , followed by strange words, which sound like a cross between a monk's chanting and cats having sex. After a few moments, he realizes nothing is happening. Looking worried, but thinking quickly he yells, "bartender! quick! roll a d20 and see if my fireball strikes this oaf!".

The bartender, looking perplexed, answers "what is a d20?"

Luckily a young man wearing a black t-shirt with a dragon logo on it is nearby. He opens the drawstring on a small cloth bag and pulls out an ivory sphere like item with numbers on it. He tosses the sphere to the bartender, "that's a d20, now roll it on the bar, I want to see how this turns out!".

The bartender does as instructed, and when the sphere stops rolling, says "nineteen".

A smile makes its way to the smaller man's face, "doesn't look like you'll be pwning anyone today l33t-boy!". This comment is near-instantly followed by a bright flash of flame, a burning smell, and a pile of ashes where the larger man was standing. "Let that be a lesson to everyone--never mess with a man who wears a hat as big as mine!"

He hands the bartender a few gold pieces, orders a round of drinks for everyone, and softly mutters to himself, "Yor is IN the house..."
 

LadyChina

Inactive Members
#7
[/b]i knock some dorwfs hat off with the ladder part of a forward backward stagger. I kicked it out of her way and onto the face ofa guy with a di. Disappeared is what he did. !

POOOOF.

Bunny ears. So soft. So silky. So long.

*I wake up, a dictionary salesman is shouting SO LONG SUCKER.*

The stack of outdated paper infomration will fall up on me.

*I was nocked out::

POOOOOOF.

I reach it. "So yor lookin' to scoreD? Fleetwood. I give him my crayon and posterboard. Bright ornage. Both. Dismounts count for double digits. Minus arrrors in the routines.

She burps.

(swan dive UP onto the bar, ninja boot to da head of the bartender - he falls. Drop to a lotus position, no panties. LONG SKIRT. SIMMAH DAHN NAH. Jump back up to pulled a ribbon out of my mouth, 20' feet 8.6 inches, 3 centimeters long. Fluttering I run. Twirling. Leaping from bar to table, to bald man's pate, toes flex - BONUS POINTS FOR MASSAGE. Drop to the ground, she finishes with sudden black face and a shouted, MAMMY!>

k.

Fleetwood can score now.
 

Bones

Inactive Members
#8
*sniffs some of the magic dust and joins in*
--------------------------------------------------

I scratch my eyes, regardless of existence. They do not bleed when i stab them. so I jab with forks, knives, spoons. It sounds funny, the knock of metal on bone.

I hear, too! Strange.. my earlobes are gone. Who took them! Rats! You bastard fools, *I chase a rat under its small hole in the wall*

I taste it, it makes me happy. But i have no tongue. But it tastes sweet. I lick it.. but I have no tongue. Oh but I am perplexed. Yum, yummy rat. You norty thing making me drool with saliva I dont have.

Oh lookit its tail,that should be delectable too as well

But how is it I see? I know.. the eyes are in my nostrils. I pluck at them and nobody knows booger is not what I dig for. I forget quickly and drink heartily from the ale that is brought to me by everyone. I thank them and say, foolish man woman and child I cannot drink =P

equals P they say? Bah! fools, turn your head sideways. Nevermind you! I shall drink and be drunk for *hic* drunkneess is a state of mine.. yours?anyone? nooooooo mind over matter yes.. grammar, grammar cracker? what say you of poor grammar. taste it and you shall know true structure.

*kisses LadyChina with his lips which he doesnt' have, and drags her in to sleep in the rat hole he cannot fit in but which will certainly fit two. She french kisses me.. but what part?! I have many holes you see.

How dare she roleplay such a scenario without asking! Yes wrong! No, no.. ow ow!! She has started biting, biting..biting! Oh. thats me. I didnt know.. oh my, norty boy!

care for a taste of rat LC? oh it serves you? well you know it serves well on silver platters too.. yess, much feasting on minions of small rodents tomight, yumm
 

Fleetwood

Message for Upgrade
#9
Watching LadyChina get "boned"

considers popcorn-butter or no butter

definitely butter. and salt, salt for a wound.

If salt loses its flavor, with what can it be flavored with?

If salt has no flavor, does it still hurt in a wound??

MORE ALE WENCH!!!! THE QUESTIONS ARE ATTACKING!!
 

Yor

Message for Upgrade
#10
"My hat!", I say, screaming in a high pitched voice, "you knocked off my hat! Where did it go? Where is the guy with the black t-shirt who was wearing my hat on his face!?". Now in near tears, "Why did he have to go poof? That was my favorite hat..."

Thinking to myself, "what am I going to do without my hat? How can I be a wizard without a hat? I'll just have to fake it. Yes, that's it. If she can do that exaggerated Matrix-massage jump move, I can be a wizard without a pointed hat..."

Feeling a little better, I feel it's the proper time to mourn my hat with a drink, or two, or several. "Bartender! Give me a Captain Morgan and Sprite!"

Suddenly a man appears behind Yor, er, behind me, whatever--there is now a man dressed in a military uniform standing behind the short guy who used to have a big pointed hat...

"Stop! Enough! I've had it with your twisted rumors!" the man yells at Yor.

Yor, startled by the sudden appearance of a screaming man behind him, manages to reply "Wha? Who are you?"

"I am Captain Jonathan P. Morgan of her majesty's royal army, finance brigade. I will not have another person spreading rumors about me! My involvement with that sprite was innocent! She was helping me when I got lost in the forest. Besides, man, she was just inches tall!"

Yor is speechless. He decides to ignore the obviously crazy man standing behind him and pay attention to something a bit more normal. He focuses on the skeleton trying to make out with the Matrix-chick near the rat hole.
 

LadyChina

Inactive Members
#11
Yer not wantin' ta be takin' on a mortal woman when all ye've got ta offer is a bone er two, ya ken, calcium deficient boy?

*licks his nose hole*
 

Puppy

Message for Upgrade
#12
<grabs a bone, breaks a wrist, walks away with it. Spits it into the fire>

BARK BARK BARK ARF ARF ARF!!!!

<holds out a puppy translator to Lady China>

WOOF WOOF, RUFF....And gimme some of your butter pecan
Put it right there on tip of my tongue, hold it
Right jeeeah
Cuz baby, if I bite you
I bet you like it

<wags>

She put that sugar on my tongue, tongue
Yippie Yippie, Yum Yum
Goodie goodie gum drop
Put me in a tongue lock

<pants>

OH FETCH! fuuuuuuunnnnnn..... GREAT FUN!!!

<chases after a donated leg bone>


(flow from Trick Daddy - Sugar) werd.
 

Yor

Message for Upgrade
#13
(Yor is starting to get tipsy on his drinks and something in the room is causing his thoughts to scramble...)

Focusing on LadyChinaSylara is starting to make his head hurt, so I try to focus on Cyren, who I know is Cyren, even though I don't know that, because she is someone else now.

"Hi. It was love at first sight. Do you like to catch fireflies? I used to catch fireflies as a young wizard. My cat, Running Spotted-Owl, and I used to go out at night with a jar. She did better than I did at catching them, but I got the last laugh because she couldn't unscrew the lid from the jar no matter how hard she tried. Ha Ha."

"So, tell me about yourself? Age, sex, location? What are you wearing?"
 

Fleetwood

Message for Upgrade
#14
"The foot bone is connected to the leg bone. The leg bone is connected to..."

"HEY YOU'RE SCREWING UP MY SONG YOU MUTT!! PUT THAT BONE BACK!!"



"Where was I?"
 

Ensaneti

Message for Upgrade
#16
glides in, casually patting out flaming bits of tattered skirt


Who double parked the Dragon in the Vampiress Crossing?


Smiles reassuringly, fangs glinting.


I need an old priest, a young priest, a pizza, and a large mirror.
 

Navic

Inactive Members
#17
Tiger said:
Ok, Navic... You leave the laughing gas on again?
Nope... <points to the table everyone's huddled around> some people's kids... <shrug> :p

Eye spy pluming hOOkah, gestered the saucer I'd owl... hoo!
 
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