Dragon Court open for business

[Fleetwood]

(whew!)

That's the last of those damn red thongs. I still can't believe that Tater left them all over. I just hope I don't need haz-mat placards for the dumpster now.

Anyway, the floor is swept, the bar polished, the beverages stocked, the bathrooms have new rolls, the WiFi is working and the stage has new lighting.

The sound system checks out, the pool table has been refelted (is that a word?) and has all of its balls.

The kitchen is ready and the entertainment is lined up.

Only one thing left to do....

(turns on the "OPEN" sign)

 

[Fleetwood]

"It looks like I have some time before the crowd pours in."

(Pours himself a tall cool one.)

"Ah. That hits the spot."

 

[Tater]

*wakes up to a clean room*

Hey now! how goes it my frund? hope all is well with ye!. You be the first in these parts in quiet some time, su i was doozing my wee little eyes acheckin fer pinhulls in 'em

I dunt suppose ya brought any fresh milk wit ya did ya?

 

[Fleetwood]

(jumps)

"GAH!!! Don't DO that to me." "Whereinhell did YOU come from? I thought I searched all your usual hiding spots."

(mops brow with a shaking hand)

"Anyway I'm glad you're still around. The milk truck made its delivery and you even get a clean glass."

(pours drink)

"And by the way, there might be...er,...rumors of you turning over the place to me. Crazy the stories people come up with."

"Crazy."

 

[Tater]

Ye be offerin me sumtin for the old place? Hows about room and board upstairs for the rest of me long life!. An occasional mug of milk and oh ya make sure ya give me a room with a view of the cano. i want to watch fer trouble in cano and a call to arms!

If that be all ok with ye i will notifi Slohand that i am trunsfurin this place to you.

 

[Fleetwood]

"Surely you will be welcome here for as long as you wish to stay."

"I want to keep the name and the (for lack of better term) Tater mystique. With some new ideas and a bit of spit and polish, I think we could make a go of this place."

"Close your eyes and see it. See the crowds. Feel the fellowship. Smell the wood burning in the new firepit. Hear the sounds of the gold clinking in the till."

"We can make it happen."

 

[Fleetwood]

(rubs hands in glee)

"My campaign of advertisement will soon bear fruit."

"And they thought I was mad,..MAD!!! BWA HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"Turn those stage lights on and get the band ready!"

 

[Fleetwood]

(Fleetwood takes the stage)

Every drink you take
Every move you make
Every chair you break
Every piss you take
I’ll be watching you

Every single night
Even by candlelight
I’ll overcharge tonight
The drunks who aren’t too bright
And I’ll be watching you.

Oh can’t you see
This tavern belongs to me
How my poor heart aches
With every mug you break

Every thirst you slake
Every gold piece I’ll make
Every adventure you take
Every ghost you wake
I’ll be watching you

Since you’ve gone I been broke without some gold
I always dream that the tavern will always hold
So many people that I’ll never have to fold
And all the ale will all be sold
I keep crying baby baby please….

Oh can’t you see
This tavern belongs to me
How my poor heart aches
With every mug you break

Every drink you take
Every song you make
Every brain cell you bake
All the money I’ll rake
And I’ll be watching you

Every drink you take
Every move you make
I’ll be watching you

 

[Fleetwood]

"Thank you. Thank you very much."

This is a little number I call,...

Yserbian Rhapsody.

Is this the real world
Is this just fantasy
Caught near a ‘cano
No escape from monotony
Open your eyes
Come into my tavern and see
I’m just a Halfling
I need a crowd to please
Because it’s easy come easy go
Drink an ale drink some more
Having no crowd blows doesn’t really matter to me
To me

Mama, just bought a bar
Took it from Tater
Now he’s just a waiter
Mama, there is no crowd
And now I’ve gone and blown my gold again
Mama, oooooo,
Didn’t mean to make them cry
If there are no patrons tomorrow
Carry on carry on, because it doesn’t really matter.

Too late, the ale has come
That Navic was late again
I need a better delivery man.
Hello everybody, I’m on the stage
Gotta bring back the crowd before I rage
Mama, ooooooo
I don’t want to fail
I sometimes wish I’d never bought this tavern at all.

(guitar solo)

I am a little Halfling of a man
But my balls, but my balls but my balls are big as church bells
Fireballs and lightning very very frightening me.
LadyChina, LadyChina
LadyChina, LadyChina
LadyChina please come back
Please come baccccccccccckk.
I’m just a Halfling, nobody loves me
I’m just a Halfling with the deed don’t you see
Spare me from total insolvency
Easy come easy go
Will you buy some ale
Buy some ale! Yo! Will you buy my ale?
Buy my ale!
Buy some ale! Will you buy my ale?
Buy my ale!
Buy some ale! Will you buy my ale?
Buy my ale!
Will you buy my ale-buy my ale
Will you buy my ale-buy my ale
Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo
Oh Slohand noble Slohand noble Slohand buy some ale
That Tiger guy needs to buy a drink or two from me
From me
From meeeeeeeeeeeeee

(bangs head)

So you think you can drink all my kegs dry
So you think you can leave me without paying tonight?
Oh baby-can’t do that to me baby
Just gotta get Tater, just gotta get Tater to dance now

Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters, nothing really matters
But me.

Anyway the ‘cano blows….

(gong)

 

[Fleetwood]

Maybe if I tried rapping....

 

[slohand]

no no no rap... i was just getting into yer new tunes!

 

[Fleetwood]

You're right. I couldn't go through with that threat.

 

[Fleetwood]

How about some poetry.

There once was a fighter named Rick,
on whom his friends played a trick.
He hooked up with a maid,
But when he got laid,
He found out that she had a dick.

 

[Navic]

<Spys lights a'glow in the tav. Just outside the door he hears a sweet melody...>

"So you think you can drink all my kegs dry

Sounds like a challenge
<Enters the tav> Fleet, Tater, Slo! Someone ale me!
You bloody rock Fleet ~/

 

[Fleetwood]

"HOLY BAT GUANO!!!"

"I was beginning to think that the 'cano got you, boy."

(pours ale)

"Like what I've done to the place? I bought if off of Tater."

 

[Fleetwood]

"We have a few new features since you've been in last. Over there is the dartboard with the phantasmal darts. I don't have to worry about holes in my walls."

"Next is the juke-box. I don't know why they call it juke when the bard inside it can hardly move at all."

"Over there is the whack-a-gnome game. That reminds me...got to order a few spare gnomes. The barbarians are murder at that game."

 

[slohand]

Gnome Tossing?

 

[Fleetwood]

"Nay Lord Slohand, we are not so uncouth."

"The object is simple, there are nine holes where the gnomes stick there heads up through randomly. Use this hammer to whack them down when they pop up to score points."

"Use of performance enhancing enchantments are not allowed."

 

[slohand]

think i will give this a try, Gnome bashing! this could catch on!

 

[Fleetwood]

http://thinkarcade.com/game/1061/Gnome-Whack.html